Public transcript

Every Time You Try to Fix Yourself You Make It Worse.

By: Peter Crone
Length: 1 h 12 min
Language: English
Text from: the video's captions
Transcribed: 3 October 2026

Read the full transcript Open on YouTube

Notes in English.

Summary

In this episode, life coach Peter Crone works with Philip, a musician, father of five, and former Mormon missionary who struggles with daily marijuana, Dr. Pepper, junk food, and compulsive sexual release. Philip shares a painful history: his mother died in a car accident when he was 19 months old, he experienced physical abuse, and he was groomed and sexually abused by a woman in her 40s at age 14, after which his church put him on probation. Crone reframes Philip's addictions not as problems but as solutions to underlying suffering, tracing them to a subconscious identity of 'I am bad' formed at age 14. By guiding Philip to see that this identity is just language and not truth, Crone helps him realize he was never bad, never needed healing, and can now receive his daughters' love.

Key points

Crone argues that addictions like marijuana, Dr. Pepper, junk food, and sex are not the problem but the solution to internal suffering.
Philip's core subconscious identity, formed when he was put on church probation at 14 after being sexually abused, was 'I am bad.'
Crone explains that resistance to something exacerbates the desire for it because our essence is freedom.
Philip compensated for feeling bad by over-serving in his church, memorizing scriptures, and people-pleasing, which only reinforced the underlying belief.
Crone points out that 'I am bad' exists only as sound and language in the head, not in Philip's physiology, so it is a lie.
Philip's anger when his young daughters showed him love was because their love didn't align with his identity as a bad person.
Crone tells Philip he never wanted to be healed because there was nothing to heal; he wanted to be held for his imperfections.
Crone predicts that as Philip's self-view shifts, his physiology may naturally lose its craving for marijuana, Dr. Pepper, and junk food.
Philip has been opioid-free since December 2023, which Crone acknowledges as a significant achievement.

Questions it answers

00:00Introduction and connection

Who is Philip and why did he come on the show?

Philip is a musician, homeschool teacher, and volunteer who works with the homeless and speaks at schools. He has listened to Peter Crone's podcasts for two years and came on seeking help to feel healed and stop running from his struggles.

Philip's family motto is 'If no one else loves you, I do.'
Philip and his kids use the phrase 'get crowned' after discovering Crone's work.
Crone suggests redirecting some of Philip's abundant love toward himself.

04:56Childhood trauma and family history

What happened in Philip's early childhood?

Philip's mother died in a car accident when he was 19 months old, and his baby brother suffered serious brain damage. He was adopted by his father's second wife and grew up in a Mormon family of eight children with physical abuse, hunger, and fear.

Philip's collarbone was broken when he was pushed down the stairs around age three or four.
He remembers waking at night looking for something dry to sleep in.
He was caught sneaking barbecue sauce packets from a household drawer.

11:00Abuse, church probation, and mission

What pivotal event happened when Philip was a teenager?

At 13 Philip was groomed by a woman in her 40s, and at 14 he had a sexual experience he didn't understand. She confessed to church leaders, and Philip was put on probation, barred from the sacrament and public prayer, leaving him feeling guilty and sick.

Philip went on a church mission and gave it everything he had.
He hurt his back on the mission, leading to his first back surgery.
At 31, a trauma therapist told him he was abused and could not have consented.

13:00Leaving religion and current struggles

What brought Philip to his current state?

After quitting his job to do music full-time, Philip realized he didn't know how to help himself or the people he served. Research into his religion led him to leave it, pull his kids out, and confront his trauma, but he still uses marijuana daily, drinks three to four Dr. Peppers, eats junk food, and seeks sexual release five to six times a day, followed by shame.

Philip has been opioid-free since December 2023.
His music project is called Love the World because he didn't know how to heal anyone.
He feels anger when his young daughters kiss him and show him love.

21:40Addictions as solutions

How does Crone reframe addiction?

Crone explains that substances are not the problem but the solution to internal suffering. When we label something bad and resist it, our nature of freedom draws us toward it more strongly. Every mammal tries to escape suffering, so Philip's unconscious programming is doing the right job.

Resistance to something exacerbates the desire for it.
Crone compares shaming substance use to shaming a child for putting a burned finger under cold water.
The ultimate addiction is the idea of ourselves.

35:00The 'I am bad' identity

What is Philip's core subconscious identity?

Crone identifies that Philip fundamentally thinks he is a bad person, formed when he was put on church probation at 14. He decided the experience meant he was not worthy, bad, and evil, and has lived inside that prison for over three decades.

Philip compensated by over-serving in church, memorizing scriptures, and saying yes when he didn't want to.
This compensation only reinforced the belief that he was bad.
Crone says this is below limiting beliefs—it is who Philip is for himself.

1:01:00Revealing the lie

How does Crone dismantle the 'I am bad' belief?

Crone asks where 'I am bad' physically exists. Since it is not in Philip's body but only in his head as sound and language, it is a lie. Philip cannot overcome a lie; he can only see it is not true.

Philip realizes he can now receive his daughters' love and kiss them back.
Crone says Philip has been a good guy the whole time, trying hard to disprove the lie.
Philip's motto 'If no one else loves you, I do' can now apply to himself.

Notes

Overview

This is a coaching session between Peter Crone and Philip, a 36-year-old musician, husband, and father of five who has listened to Crone's work for two years. Philip came seeking help with what he calls his addictions: daily marijuana, three to four Dr. Peppers a day, junk food, and sexual release five to six times a day, all followed by shame.

Philip's Background

Philip's biological mother died in a car accident when he was 19 months old; his 6-month-old brother suffered serious brain damage.
He grew up in a Mormon household with eight kids, experiencing physical abuse, including a broken collarbone at age three or four, hunger, and bed-wetting.
At 13 he was groomed by a woman in her 40s, leading to a sexual experience at 14. She confessed to church leaders, and Philip was put on probation, barred from taking the sacrament or praying publicly.
At 31, a trauma therapist told him he had been abused and could not consent, which reframed decades of guilt.

Crone's Core Teachings

Addictions are solutions, not problems. Substances are unconscious reactions to escape internal suffering; every mammal tries to escape suffering.
Resistance increases desire. Because our essence is freedom, telling ourselves we can't have something draws us toward it.
The ultimate addiction is the idea of ourselves. Philip's identity was 'I am bad,' formed at 14 during church probation.
Compensation reinforces the belief. Philip's excessive church service and people-pleasing were attempts to prove he wasn't bad, which only reinforced that he was.
'I am bad' is just sound and language. It exists in the head, not in physiology, so it is a lie that cannot be overcome—only seen through.

Key Shifts

Philip realizes his anger when his daughters kissed him was because their love didn't align with his identity as bad.
Crone states Philip never wanted to be healed—there was nothing to heal—he wanted to be held for his imperfections.
Crone predicts Philip's physiology may naturally stop craving marijuana, Dr. Pepper, and junk food as his self-view shifts.
Crone emphasizes integrating rather than dismissing the capacity to feel bad, so a future slip doesn't restart the old story.