# Life advice from GTA co-creator: Don't give a f*ck - It makes life more fun | Dan Houser

*Lex Clips* · https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmcEK1Ar0yw

## Summary

In this conversation, Dan Houser reflects on what he learned from his late father—showing up, valuing family, and not caring too much what others think. He discusses mortality, the terror of nothingness, and his belief in a metaphysical purpose to life. He and the interviewer explore whether deep feeling and self-criticism are gifts or curses, and agree that becoming more optimistic with age is the heroic path.

## Key points

- Dan Houser's father, a lawyer and jazz musician, taught him to show up, be present, value family above work, and not care too much about what others think.
- Houser says he thinks about mortality a lot since his father passed away in May, feeling afraid some days and spiritually at peace on others.
- He believes there is a metaphysical purpose to life, and that part of that purpose is searching for the purpose, whether or not God exists.
- He describes his capacity for deep feeling as both a gift and a curse, saying 'Feelings may destroy you, but they're the best thing we have.'
- He often feels like a hack, and sees the self-critical voice as both a bug and a feature—it can drive you but also fuel negativity.
- He notes the internet induces self-criticism because everyone remembers the one bad comment among fifty good ones.
- Both speakers agree that becoming more optimistic with age, while staying humble, is the heroic trajectory compared to slipping into cynicism.
- Houser says he was extremely cynical as a child in late 1970s to early 1990s England and has forced himself to become more naive and see the flawed good in people.

## Notes

### Lessons from His Father
- Dan Houser dedicated his book to his parents, noting his father died while he was finishing it.
- From his father, a lawyer and jazz musician, he learned to show up, be present, go to work every day, and value family above all.
- His father "venerated giving 'the man' the finger," always sided with the underdog, and didn't care what people thought—something Houser admits he inherited, probably to his detriment, but it makes life more fun.
- This trait made school difficult; he was constantly in trouble for answering teachers back at a very formal school.

### Mortality and Purpose
- Since his father passed away in May, Houser thinks about death a lot; some days it terrifies him, other days he feels spiritually connected to the universe.
- He wants to stay alive long enough to see his kids grow up and settle.
- He has come to believe there is a purpose and a soul-based existence, and that it shouldn't matter whether God exists—we should live the same way either way.
- Part of the purpose is to search for the purpose, though reading too much science can wrap you up in the nothingness of it all.

### Feeling Deeply
- Houser describes being struck with "a bit of a capacity for the grandiosity of feeling," quoting his own line: "Feelings may destroy you, but they're the best thing we have."
- This is both gift and curse: wonderful when connected and alive, awful when feeling like a "dreadful hack," which he says is most of the time.
- He believes you cannot have one without the other; growing up means accepting the bad with the good.

### The Self-Critical Voice
- He calls the negative inner voice both a bug and a feature: it can become corrosive, but it also provides drive and a lack of complacency.
- The internet is designed to induce self-criticism—everyone remembers the one bad comment among fifty good ones.
- He says negativity and consciousness can become the same thing for him, and he has to fight perpetual negativity.

### Optimism vs. Cynicism
- The interviewer argues the heroic action with age is to become more optimistic while keeping some self-criticism for humility.
- Houser agrees, saying he could not have been more cynical as a child in late 1970s to early 1990s England, and has forced himself to become more naive and see the flawed good in people—because "it's not nice to not be nice."

## Transcript

[00:03] - On a difficult topic, you dedicated the book to your mom and dad. And in particular, you wrote, "To my father, who died while I was finishing the book." What have you learned about life from your dad? - To show up. To be present. To go to work every day. To love creative things. He was a lawyer, but he was also a jazz musician, and he did both to the best of his abilities. To value family as more important than either of those things. He was a present guy, I think. And, you know, he loved books, always loved books, always loved films, loved music. He wasn't into video games, but liked that we were doing weird things. - Was he proud of you? - Yeah, I think so. I hope so. He was, for a lawyer...

[01:07] He really venerated at some level, giving "the man" the finger. Like, whenever life goes crazy— he was always on the side of the underdog and the ridiculous. And I think that, you know, he always wanted to answer people back, always give the silly comment. I certainly have taken that from him, to my detriment probably, but it makes life more fun. He always would just say the obnoxious thing and just didn't give a fuck. And that was, I think that was probably quite inspiring. - So you have a bit of that in you? - Unfortunately so, yes. Not good at shutting up, not good at toeing the line. - I think I speak for most of human civilization that fortunately you have that as part of who you are, because it comes through your stories.

[02:01] - I think it made school difficult. They sent me to this very formal school— that was like, it might as well have been set in the 1870s, in the 1990s. And, but then, I always got in trouble just for... not doing anything that wrong, just answering teachers back all of the time. I couldn't be quiet. - How often do you think about mortality? Are you personally afraid of death? - Well, my father passed away in May, so a lot more since then, obviously. I mean, I think about it a lot. Am I afraid of it? I don't know. Some days intensely and some days not at all. I would love to stay alive long enough to see my kids properly grow up and settled, of course, for them. Aside from that, some days I feel, you know, spiritually connected to the universe and not afraid of

[03:01] death at all. And other days I feel like a sort of random piece of good luck who's gonna get struck down by an angry fate and turn to nothingness, and that terrifies me. - What do you think about the nothingness? I mean, that- that in itself is terrifying. - Yeah, that is terrifying. I mean, I tend to, I tend to, you know, I've spent long periods of my life tormented by that stuff. The last few years, I tend to believe there is a purpose and a point to life, and that we have some kind of spiritual or soul-based existence. I'm not quite sure if it matters if there is a God or not, we should probably live our lives the same way either way. But I tend to think that, you know, there is a metaphysical

[03:48] purpose to life and part of the, that purpose is to, you know, search for the purpose. But at other points you know, if you read too much science, you get wrapped up in the nothingness of it all. - Also, there's a component to your brain. When talking about Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë, you said that you have been, by fortune, struck with a bit of a capacity for the grandiosity of feeling. So you feel the world deeply, sometimes romantic, sometimes overly romantic. You've said, I like this line, "Feelings may destroy you, but they're the best thing we have." So that ability to feel the world, is that a gift or a curse for you? What do you think? - That's a really interesting question because it's obviously both. At times it's both,

[04:35] or at times it's one or the other. When things are going well, when you feel alive, when you feel like you're connected to things, when you're seeing beauty in people and joy in experiences, of course it's it's wonderful. When you're feeling like, you know, bereft and set adrift by the world and that you can't connect to it in some way and you're lost and abandoned by God or consciousness or fate or whatever it is, it's awful. You know, when I feel like a dreadful hack, which is most of the time, you know, it's terrible. You'd rather not be doing this rubbish. And then sometimes you're working creatively and it feels good and you feel like you're doing the right thing and it feels fantastic, but that's not very often.

[05:18] - Do you think it's possible to have one without the other? - No. No, of course not. When I think about growing up to the extent that I am capable of growing up it is about accepting the bad with the good from any situation or any aspect of myself. You know, going, "Okay, it's not perfect. I'm not perfect." - You said you often feel like a hack. Is that that self-critical part of your brain, is that a feature or a bug? - That's an, I think it's that new thing that we're gonna lean into, the bug feature. It's both, isn't it? I mean, it cannot lead... That self-critical brain, I think lots of people suffer from it, and I think the internet is designed to induce, if you didn't have it before, you will have it after

[06:05] being online. It clearly can become a bug but it also can give you drive and a lack of complacency, so it can also become a feature. - I had a pretty intense argument with Paul Conti, who's a legendary psychiatrist, student of the mind, about this. He worked with many famous creative people and he thinks that that negative voice is not at all needed for creative genius. And I thought, "I know awfully a lot of creative people that have that voice." - I'd rather not have it, but I certainly have lived with it this far. There's a danger that negativity... For me, that negativity and consciousness become the same thing, you know? Sometimes I have to fight to not just be perpetually negative, and that can be part of the human struggle for lots of people and certainly has been for

[07:04] me. I think if you're trying to do, you know, good stuff and you're reflective, inevitably, and, you know, you live in this world of constant, constant criticisms by the internet. Of course, you know, everyone who ever puts something on the internet, be it a picture of themselves or any kind of work they've made or whatever it is, is going to get 50 good comments and one bad comment. Remember the bad comment. So that, and that, that becomes fuel for the negative voice. I don't know anyone that's strong enough not to. You know, we all, you know, at some level you should just measure that stuff in weight, not in quality. But of course we just focus on the quality. - And I do think in general, as you get older, that's the real challenge for people. You

[07:43] can see the different trajectories people choose to take. But it's easy to slip into cynicism and negativity, into this, Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground, nihilistic kind of worldview. I think the heroic action to take with time is to become more optimistic, to see more good. I think that- - I agree. - There's probably a hero's journey of being extremely self-critical at first, for the first, maybe half of your life or two-thirds, and then, while maintaining some self-critical aspects just so you stay humble, start to see the good in everything around you, in other people, in the world, and even maybe every once in a while on a weekend, in yourself. - I hope so. I mean, that's what I've been, I could not be more

[08:36] cynical. I think you put that beautifully. - Yeah. - I could not be more cynical than I was as a child. You know, I could not see goodness anywhere. I couldn't see, you know, I don't think late 1970s to early 1990s England was a great, was a place of great, you know, optimism and naiveté. It was brutal. And I was brutal, I was brutal within it. And I think I've become much more naive, and tried to become more innocent in some ways, and always try to see the flawed good in people. You know, I've tried to, or I've had to force myself to be like that because, you know, the other way is not fun, it's not nice. It's not nice to not be nice. - As a brief aside, you had a wonderful conversation with Ryan

[09:24] McCaffrey at LA Comic-Con. I've been a big fan of his for a long time. He writes amazing stuff at IGN and he has a great podcast. Everybody should go listen to it. I really enjoyed it. Plus I get to attend a Comic-Con and just be there in the audience. And like we were saying offline, the LA Comic-Con, it's the first Comic-Con I've been to, there's just all kinds of real genuine nerds, good-hearted- - Oh, it's fascinating. Yeah, brilliant. - It's just so much kindness and goodness and just simple joy in being a fan of a thing was there. - Yeah, which is what those things are all about. - Yeah. Okay, so let's talk about some of the greatest books of all time.